I don't know if you've been paying attention to the news (and if you haven't, stop reading right now and go live in a cave, because ignorance is most definitely bliss in this case) but honestly what is up with the increase of totally vulgar and disgusting crimes?! There are specifically four that come to mind here.
1. Guy chews off another guys face
2. Guy sends body parts to Canadian political parties
3. Guy disembowels himself and throws his insides at some cops
4. Guy kills his roommate and then eats his brain and heart
So obviously the best explanation for most of this is the zombie apocalypse. Duh.
Or maybe we should be blaming drugs. Or the psychological stresses of everyday life in America. Who knows if all of these things have anything in common. Are we breathing in a toxin that's turning us all into blood-thirsty lunatics?! Well, probably. Who knows how all the chemicals we've pumped into the air are mixing and effecting our bodies. Is our competitive nature really getting the best of us like this? (It's a human eat human world out there.) Are reality shows driving people completely mad!? Or is it all a big coincidence? (Secretly, this is my theory, although I like to pretend that I think people are just taking the saying, "you look good enough to eat" waaaay too seriously.)
I'm not going to address how disgusting and blah blah blah whatever this whole thing is. You can figure that out for yourself, I hope. If you don't see what's wrong here, then you're probably going to be featured on the news pretty soon as well. Hey, maybe it's the fame game that's making people crazy. ([eat] skin to win.)
Well, I've used enough bad jokes here, and I think you get the point. So goodnight, sleep tight, and don't let the zombies bite.
Alene
Thursday 31 May 2012
This One's For the Health Nuts
This rant is brought to you by my cheese dust covered keyboard.
Okay, so I'm pretty sick of people telling me what I should and shouldn't eat. I know most people probably agree (unless you're those evil healthy freaks, in which case you've already scrolled down to the comment section to tell me I'm an idiot and my orange juice is going to kill me.) I'll eat what I want, okay?! I'm not fat, by any means (now, I'm not exactly Keira Knightly either. On that note, I could probably eat Keira Knightly in one sitting.) but I eat basically what I want. And what is it that I want to eat? The same thing everyone wants to eat, Pinky: pizza, popcorn, various cheeses, tacos and the occasional giant bowl of ice cream.
There's a few reasons why I genuinely don't give a flying fudgesicle about what all these health people have to say.
1. I'm not going to torture myself by eating broccoli all the time when I could be munching zesty cheese Doritos. This isn't to say that I don't like veggies, because they're pretty tasty. I've found very few foods that I do not enjoy. And I know that some people would call me stuffing my face with expensive chocolates and cheeses totally selfish because poor kids in Africa don't have food. Honestly people, I do my part when it comes to charity, so back off. There's no reason to eat something that I don't like, when that box of toaster strudel has opened up the freezer door to wave at me.
2. We're all going to die eventually, Dummy. No matter what you do, how you eat, how often you exercise, you're going to croak someday. And I DO NOT want my final thoughts to be, "Oh, crap, I wish I'd gotten a popcorn refill the last time I went to the movies. Extra butter."
3. Food is culture. I love to travel, and there's no way I'm going to not taste every local delicacy once or twice or until the whole plateful is gone. To understand a culture, you have to taste it (or that's what I tell myself after I'm laying in a food coma.)
Okay, so, let's sum this up. Ahem, food is good. Stop telling me I can't put ketchup on stuff (Dr. "Stupid" Oz.) Stop telling me orange juice is bad. I've been drinking it as part of a balanced breakfast my whole life and I like the commercials where the oranges do olympic events and junk. I don't always make the fattest choices. When it comes to pizza I prefer thin crust (although to be honest I would eat a pizza that had been dropped on the floor or sprayed with radiation.)
And I'm all cool with those of you who chose to live a certain way, and be all super healthy, just stop telling me about it. I honestly don't care, and the more you say about what I shouldn't eat, the hungrier I get.
Please note: I am NOT supporting the growing obesity is problem in North America. Clearly it is possible to eat what you want without looking like Majin Buu from Drangonball Z (It's a good reference, google it.)
Anyway, that's about all I have on that topic for now. (Just kidding. I'm positive you'll be seeing rants about vegetarian/vegans and people who won't feed their dogs dry dog food.) Don't forget to ask for double cheese.
Alene
Okay, so I'm pretty sick of people telling me what I should and shouldn't eat. I know most people probably agree (unless you're those evil healthy freaks, in which case you've already scrolled down to the comment section to tell me I'm an idiot and my orange juice is going to kill me.) I'll eat what I want, okay?! I'm not fat, by any means (now, I'm not exactly Keira Knightly either. On that note, I could probably eat Keira Knightly in one sitting.) but I eat basically what I want. And what is it that I want to eat? The same thing everyone wants to eat, Pinky: pizza, popcorn, various cheeses, tacos and the occasional giant bowl of ice cream.
There's a few reasons why I genuinely don't give a flying fudgesicle about what all these health people have to say.
1. I'm not going to torture myself by eating broccoli all the time when I could be munching zesty cheese Doritos. This isn't to say that I don't like veggies, because they're pretty tasty. I've found very few foods that I do not enjoy. And I know that some people would call me stuffing my face with expensive chocolates and cheeses totally selfish because poor kids in Africa don't have food. Honestly people, I do my part when it comes to charity, so back off. There's no reason to eat something that I don't like, when that box of toaster strudel has opened up the freezer door to wave at me.
2. We're all going to die eventually, Dummy. No matter what you do, how you eat, how often you exercise, you're going to croak someday. And I DO NOT want my final thoughts to be, "Oh, crap, I wish I'd gotten a popcorn refill the last time I went to the movies. Extra butter."
3. Food is culture. I love to travel, and there's no way I'm going to not taste every local delicacy once or twice or until the whole plateful is gone. To understand a culture, you have to taste it (or that's what I tell myself after I'm laying in a food coma.)
Okay, so, let's sum this up. Ahem, food is good. Stop telling me I can't put ketchup on stuff (Dr. "Stupid" Oz.) Stop telling me orange juice is bad. I've been drinking it as part of a balanced breakfast my whole life and I like the commercials where the oranges do olympic events and junk. I don't always make the fattest choices. When it comes to pizza I prefer thin crust (although to be honest I would eat a pizza that had been dropped on the floor or sprayed with radiation.)
And I'm all cool with those of you who chose to live a certain way, and be all super healthy, just stop telling me about it. I honestly don't care, and the more you say about what I shouldn't eat, the hungrier I get.
Please note: I am NOT supporting the growing obesity is problem in North America. Clearly it is possible to eat what you want without looking like Majin Buu from Drangonball Z (It's a good reference, google it.)
Anyway, that's about all I have on that topic for now. (Just kidding. I'm positive you'll be seeing rants about vegetarian/vegans and people who won't feed their dogs dry dog food.) Don't forget to ask for double cheese.
Alene
Wednesday 30 May 2012
A Word On Twitter
Okay, since Twitter is probably the reason I'm here, I think it's fitting that Twitter be the topic of my first (real) post. So anyone who follows me on Twitter probably knows that I've become involved in a certain evil cult-site (this is just a theory I have, I guess we'll find out if some hooded figures bring us glasses of punch someday,) Favstar. "What's Favstar?" you may ask. Well, I'm not here to explain that stuff to you. Google it, but don't get hooked. Honestly, Favstar is the best/worst thing ever. Yeah, it gets your stuff out there, and it gives you way more stars and retweets than you probably deserve. What do I mean? I mean everyone involved with Favstar is completely addicted to starring and RTing, so really, a star doesn't mean very much anymore. But wait, stars are what you base your life on now. If your tweet doesn't get stars after four minutes, you're already in your back yard digging a hole that you can go rot in for the rest of your life because obviously you're worthless. Okay, once you pull yourself together, then you start starring like mad, partially because you like a lot of the people you follow, and they're pretty funny. But let's not kid ourselves, you're actually just trying to get attention and hopefully they'll star you back. So now you're totally obsessed and you have no friends anymore and in some cases (specifically in my case, because I use my real name on Twitter) your remaining friends basically think you're a crazy loser now (or something, I don't really care.) Besides the terrible addictive aspect of Twitter and her evil cousin Favstar, tweeting is actually one of my favourite things (If you think that's lame, it's because it sort of is, in a way.) There is no other way that I could possibly communicate with so many cool people all over the world (whether or not everything they say on Twitter is true, which it probably isn't.) So, that's why I'm always on Twitter, Mom. Oh, and I kinda feel like I'm famous (just kidding.) (Not kidding.)
So, what am I actually saying here? Follow me. Did you expect anything else?
So, what am I actually saying here? Follow me. Did you expect anything else?
The First One
By popular demand, I've started a real live blog! (In this case, "popular demand" means "I have stuff to say that goes over 140 characters.") I can't promise that I'll remember to update this all the time, and I can't promise that it'll be full of awesome stuff (HA! Of course it will be awesome stuff) but I can promise to always try my best to use proper grammar. Anyway, I've done enough hard work setting this whole deal up tonight, so I'll just leave you with this because it's basically the story of my life.
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