The Dreaded Essay - A Student's Rant

Okay, today I got my first paper of the year back. I'm not going to say it was bad, because it wasn't, but the mark was quite a bit lower than my usual. So of course, I got super offended and decided to write a blog post about how terrible my professor is. Just kidding. That's not what this is about. This is just a few of the frustrating things about essays. I'm not badmouthing any profs or teachers I've had at all (especially if one of you happen to read this.) I'm just badmouthing whatever idiot invented the stupid essay.

So, first off, why do they have to be so long? What's the point in a 10 page essay? Didn't Einstein say that any fool can make something long and complex, only a genius can condense it and dumb it down? I may have just made that up. If I did, feel free to quote me on it (WITH a citation, please. You better not take credit for my work.) In other words, I feel like it's more difficult to condense the information and make a really good summary than it is to go on and on and on about the same thing. I don't know about everyone else, but when I'm writing an essay I feel like it's 20% good information, 50% me using a thesaurus to say the same thing in a bunch of different ways, and 20% complete BS (I'm not a math major. I don't know what the other 10% is. Me napping and choosing snacks, probably.)


Okay, and bibliographies! Ahh! I think I get more frustrated with citing my work than I do actually writing it. I'm all for people getting credit for their work, and plagiarism is bad and stuff. But there are so many rules! And every class is different. I've taken psych courses, English courses and history courses and each one calls for a different format. And we all come to university to find out that MLA, APA, Chicago, etc. formats aren't just for the bibliography. No, they're for the whole paper. Spacing, font, headers, footers, type of citation, title page or no title page. (Thanks for informing me of that nice little surprise, high school.) WHY DOES IT MATTER!? Really? I change the font and it makes it like one centimetre longer. Oh boy. Why can't we all just agree on one? I had a TA once who said it's because different disciplines are looking for different things and want to be able to find stuff faster. What do I have to say to that? I do not care, disciplines. I DO NOT care.

Okie dokie, so you hand it in and then you get it back. And (hopefully) you got a pretty decent mark. Why is it that even though you got an 80, which is pretty decent if you ask me, the comments your prof puts always make it sound kind of like you wrote the worst thing ever? (Or maybe that's just me because I am the absolute worst at taking criticism. If I ever tell you, "I want your true opinion, even if it's bad," I'm lying and I will probably hate you a bit if you tell me I need to fix something.)

When it comes down to it, the most frustrating thing about essays is that every prof is different. They all expect different things and give different types of criticism. You figure out how to please one and then your course is over and you're on to the next one, who hates everything that your other prof taught you. There's no winning. So, just power through and do your best. And that's the most inspirational thing I have to say today.

If you're a fellow student, good luck with midterms and assignments. If you're out of school, I can confidently say that all students (myself included) strongly dislike you, in like, the best way possible, at least until summertime.