Wednesday 24 October 2012

You'll Probably Never Catch 'Em All

I write this at the risk of sounding super lame (I'm just kidding. Everyone loves Pokemon.)

Quick background! My mom works with a kindergarten kid who loves Pokemon, so we were at Walmart fairly recently looking for Pokemon cards for him.
Now, I am an avid Pokemon lover, I would never ever deny it. (Some may call me a Pokemon Master, I dunno.) I can name all original Pokemon, pretty close to the correct order. You can test me on it later. I recently got my wisdom teeth out and spent most of my recovery time playing Pokemon Crystal. (I KNOW, this was after the introduction of new characters, but I've come to accept the first additions.) I'm not embarrassed to admit any of these things. ANYWAYS, looking through the Pokemon section of Walmart, THIS is that we find:


I don't even know what this is. Pokemon used to be cute and awesome. This thing is just confusing. Is that a dragon? What?! No, this is a dragon:


Cute but also awesome. See how that works?

So, I decided to check out some more of these new Pokemon. Here are some of the more ridiculous ones that they've recently come out with:

This thing is just a flying sarcophagus.

  
These two remind me of some monsters from Yu Gi Oh (I'm going to pretend I don't know the name of the Yu Gi Oh look-a-likes, but I definitely know them.) They're just way too intense and terrifying. Remember, I said CUTE is key.


This is an ice cream cone. They called it Vanillish. When you start making monsters that look like delicious treats, that's when you need to stop. I think?


These guys are wearing clothes. Where did you get your clothing, little pokemon?


Honest to goodness, this guy is called Garbodor and he is a pile of garbage. Who was like, "yeah, let's make this dude, he's like a walking pile of trash. That will be awesome."


This guy is actually super cool and I approve of him for some reason.


So what I'm getting at... well, I don't really know. But my inner child is sad about these new things. Wasn't the point of the game to "catch 'em all?" How is anyone supposed to catch them all when they keep making new ones? (Although the people who are making these things are definitely catching all the money, am I right?)

I've spent over half my life enjoying Pokemon and I don't feel like the original 150 ever get old. I don't know, they were just awesome. If I think about it too hard, I actually get a little sad that we just have boring cats and dogs and Ash and Misty and friends got awesome pokemon as companions. (Please don't think I'm weird and lame. I'm only saying what everyone else has thought before. I think.)

And when you really think about it... how f****** dumb are the people living in the land of Pokemon? Are you telling me that you didn't notice that there was this giant pile of garbage running around? Someone just happened upon it one day and now it's abundant all over the place? No.

So, I like to ruin fun children's things and think about them too much. But what do you think? Yes or no to the new Pokemon? Do you care? Do you even know what I'm talking about? Comment away, my friends.

Saturday 20 October 2012

If _____ Took Over The World


Instead of studying, I decided to compose this list. I hope you love it.


If parrots took over the world, we would all be forced to work in cracker factories for no pay.

If Sigmund Freud took over the world, all fathers would be wiped out.

If nudists took over the world, the obesity problem would probably solve itself pretty quick.

If cartoon characters took over the world, we would all die in hilarious, ACME-related accidents.

If Mr. Peanut took over the world, the Underground Reese's Railroad would (hopefully) become a thing.

If seals look over the world, humans would all be clubbed to death.

If cat ladies took over the world, everyone who isn't a cat will die from lack of food, water and shelter.

If Ron Swanson took over the world, there would be silence.

If Justin Bieber took over the world, all men would be slaughtered and every woman would be forced to carry a Bieber Baby.

If Vegans took over the world, we would eventually run out of vegetation and crops and die.

If cellphones took over the world, we would never leave a call waiting.

If cows took over the world, humans were probably all dead already because seriously, how did COWS take over the world?

If Mark Zuckerberg took over the world, we would all be on the internet... all... the... time... Wait a minute...


Can you think of any? I'd love to hear them.





Tuesday 16 October 2012

Being A Grown Up

The surprisingly difficult things that you didn't realize were difficult until you had to do them yourself. Maybe most of these were only difficult for me. Yes, okay, actually, let's start over:

Things That I Found Surprisingly Difficult Once I Had To Do Them Myself:

Hair appointments. #1 reason I find this hard to do is that I absolutely hate the phone so making appointments is scary. (That being said my mommy made my last hair appointment so this is a moot point.) I hate that you can hear a voice, but you can't see a face. And I hate the way my voice sounds. I don't want to sound like an idiot. And it's super unfortunate that there's no way to edit the stupid things you say on the phone. Plus when I get there I always panic and I don't know what to tell the hairdresser. 

Cleanliness. The fact that I'm sitting here in sweatpants that haven't been washed in who knows how long, with piles of clothing and empty bottles surrounding me and unwashed dishes on my desk says it all. (That's a real photo from my dorm room last year. Things have not changed.)

Ordering Food Over The Phone. (Because this is an option now that I'm out of the small town scene.) Again, with the phones. I hate them. And then you have to go meet the creepy delivery guy downstairs where he'll probably kidnap you and take you away to be his sex slave and live in his yucky pizza-box-filled basement.

Laundry. Everyone agrees with laundry, but a lot of it might have something to do with having to go all the way to the basement of the building you're living in to actually do the laundry. Or at least that's how I feel. And everyone else using the laundry room is always an idiot! I've found it very tempting to just go out and buy new underwear every week.

Grocery shopping... Alone. I never know what to buy and I always find that I buy too little or I buy a bunch of stuff that I don't even actually want. Plus, it's scary, going into that big place all alone, facing all the intimidating old ladies with their reusable bags and Air Miles cards. They mean business, but you're just a little university student trying to get her Mr. Noodles.

Healthy eating. Pizza pockets are easier than salad, okay!

Finding someone to talk to. We're going to get a little serious, just for a sec. It's tough to talk to other university students about your problems because they have lots of problems of their own. Not having your mommy there all the time to chat with is tough, at least for me.

The emergency room. Last year I accidentally sliced a tiny piece off the end of one of my fingers. (See pic.) There was blood everywhere and I was freaking out because I thought it was a lot worse than it actually was (I thought my finger was going to have a chunk out of it forever.) But despite the bleeding,  I was absolutely terrified to go to the hospital without my mom, so I didn't. Everything is fine, now (except now when you look suuper close, my finger is a weird shape, I SWEAR!) but I'm not going to be able to skip the emergency room in more severe cases like if a bookcase falls on me or if I accidentally cut off my whole arm with a rusty saw.

There are definitely a lot more of these things I'm going to discover as I get older. I'm super lucky that I can call my mom or dad up almost any time and ask them how the heck I'm supposed to do this stuff. I'm sure I'll repay them someday (when they turn 65 and I don't immediately send them to a nursing home.)






I Hate Halloween

I'm being forced to attend a Halloween party this year and I am a little bit on the unimpressed side. I do not like Halloween. I do not like costumes. I do not like free poisoned candy. I do not like fake blood and organs served on platters.
I don't know when I first discovered my dislike for this day. Maybe I had some bad candy once. Maybe someone chased me with a chainsaw while I was out trick or treating (oh, wait, that DID happen. Every year) or maybe I'm just kind of a wimp (true.) Whatever it is, I don't like Halloween, and I'm quite positive that I never will like it.

Costume Stress
I have very powerful memories of how stressed out I would get about choosing my costume as a kid. What if the other kids thought it was stupid? Picking a costume is a BIG DEAL people! Anyway, despite this stress I believe I usually changed what I wanted to be on the day of Halloween and my mom as forced to deal with helping me pick out a new one. And the thing I finally decided on was usually unbelievably lame. Or that's how I remember it anyway. (Except for when I was a Power Ranger. That was sweet.)

Mask Smell
I don't know if this is actually a real thing or if I've just invented it in my head, but do you notice how disgusting Halloween masks smell? Even new ones, they're all plastic-y and disgusting. But it's the old ones that are the worst. Like, the one that your dad wore to the Halloween dance when he was in grade 10 and for some reason decided to keep. (Or, in my household, the terrifying Brian Mulroney mask that I really hope has seen it's last days.)

It's Scary!
I'm all for scary story reading and I love writing creepy tales, but something about Halloween decorations creeps me right out. I guess I prefer to imagine the scary stuff in my head, instead of having to look at it. That being said...

Halloween movies that aren't scary but it makes me anxious even thinking about them:
- Beetlejuice
- The Addams Family
- Edward Scissorhands
- When Good Ghouls Go Bad (Or really any R.L. Stine film/the Goosebumps TV show. I loved the books though.)

Something about these films just makes my insides crawl around all funny. They're all movies that I first saw when I was little, and probably around the same time. I don't know if there was a life event happening at the time that made my memory of these bad or something, but whatever it was, these movies are ruined for me. I can't do scary movies in general. When I'm forced to watch them I'm quite positive that I barely come out alive. Although I want to know the twists and stuff, I just can't deal with the scary. I'm just not into that kind of entertainment.

Let's get all technical here for a sec. Maybe I'll actually teach you something for once. There are a lot of studies that have been done about sensation seeking (i.e. watching scary movies, roller coasters, etc.) Most of them claim that there are various genetic things going on that make someone interested in sensation seeking or not. (i.e. dopamine levels and personality traits like introversion/extraversion.) I strongly believe that I am genetically hardwired to love sitting at home and typing away on my laptop, scoffing at that dude who just jumped from the edge of space. (If you want me to go into any more details I'd gladly mail you a copy of my psychology textbooks for a small fee of $400.)

Okay, now that we've learned something (that's scary) we can bring this thing to a close. I just wanted to let you all know that for Halloween this year, I'm being cotton candy, the most least scary thing in the whole wide world. And I'm going to go around and spread my non-scary cheer everywhere I go.

Monday 15 October 2012

The Alcohol vs. Weed Argument According To Me

Okay, I'm going to write it all out here and from now on whenever the conversation comes up I'm going to just hand out cards with this link on them. If you need background on the alcohol vs. weed thing, just Google it like normal humans. Okay, anywhooo...

I don't even 100% know why this is a debate because it's all about personal preference right? People who prefer weed will argue for weed, people who enjoy alcohol will argue for alcohol. There are countless websites that will tell you all kinds of info about both of them and they'll try to sway your opinion and whatever. (Have you ever been to marijuana.com? It's actually hilarious because everyone who posts comments on there is like the most typical stoner. Check it out and have a laugh, but remember that stuff they post on there about marijuana is super biased.)
That being said, let's get it out there that I do not smoke "the pot." I'm not just saying this because my mommy or grandma might read this, I'm saying it because it's true. I don't do it. This is a personal choice. And without getting into any more details, that is that.
But I do not condemn those who do smoke. I don't care. Just keep it away from me and I'm happy. (I have mixed feelings about the smell of weed. Sometimes I don't mind it and sometimes I want to rip off the heads of those people who are polluting my precious air. So you should probably just keep it away from me.)

On the other hand, I do enjoy consuming alcohol from time to time. I DON'T enjoy getting blackout drunk and throwing up in hot tubs. So here's the first point against alcohol: Too much of it. I know, you can smoke too much weed and green out. Yes, that's a thing. But it happens a lot less often. Although I might argue that people who black out often probably also smoke weed while they're drinking, but that's a stereotype and stereotypes are bad so pretend I didn't even bring that up. (But I did bring it up and it's pretty accurate.) 

Blacking out aside, alcohol in a small amount is great. It's social, it's "sophisticated," and it gives you that super happy feeling inside. And it's LEGAL. There's a big point against the pot. I don't care what anyone says about how harmless it is, pot is illegal until it's legal. And we have to assume there are reasons for that. I know, it's often unenforced in some countries, and it's essentially legal in some (did you know that pot isn't technically legal in the Netherlands, they just don't enforce the laws at all?) but it's illegal in most places. When you can buy pot at a corner store, we can start up a whole different conversation.

And then there's this whole idea held by extreme pot smokers and a lot of other people too, that you can't get addicted to weed. It's true, addiction to weed is nothing like cocaine or heroin. There aren't any physical withdrawal symptoms from weed, but you can become psychologically addicted, that's a known fact. And of course, alcoholism is a huge deal and it affects tons of people, but at least people who drink alcohol can admit that it's possible to be addicted. 

Here is my biggest problem with weed though, and it's where I'm going to end this tiny debate. For the most part, unless someone is an alcoholic or an idiot, people do not drink alcohol while they're going about their daily things. However, people seem to think it's okay to smoke weed whenever they feel like it throughout the day and everything will be fine. Well, guess what? No, it's not fine. People drive while high, work while high, take care of their kids while high. YOU'RE HIGH! I don't care how functional you think you are. You're still under the influence of a substance. Your reaction time is impaired, you're not thinking your best. If your day is so difficult that you need to smoke weed to get through it, well guess what, buddy? You have a psychological addiction, congratulations.
And it's not like people aren't going to notice. Not everyone is super naive. People know. 

So that's my biggest argument, and I feel like it trumps anything you have to say about alcohol. Yes, I know people DO drive while drunk, but it's a lot less common than driving while high. And that's scary.

Anyway, I'm hoping to get a huge argument going in the comments.... so let me know what you think about the whole thing.



"I'm Done"

I am so done with people saying, "I'm done." You're done what? You're done your task? You're done the race? You're done like dinner? Oh, you mean you're like done with the human race or something?
Okay, that's reasonable. I guess you're just going to pack your suitcase and move to Mars, then, right? Or maybe just spontaneously combust on the spot?

It just frustrates me that this is a thing. And it's funny because usually the point when someone says, "I'm done" is like about half way through the argument or issue. They've just run out of things to say. Nothing is resolved. There's still that awkward, heavy conflict floating around above everyone's heads.
In fact, I feel like "I'm done" is just a continuation of the issue itself. You're trying to get the last word, you're stabbing the (person, issue, insert noun here) with a stick like, "Oh, I'm getting the last word. What are you going to say next? I'm done. There's nothing you can say after that. I win. Nana nana booboo." And it makes you seem like a (pardon my language) complete and total dick.

And what about online? Oh boy. Put up your hand if you've ever seen the "I'm done" status or tweet. Okay, how many of you put up your hands? This is the internet, you dummies, I can't see you.
So, I'm going to assume that a lot of you put those hands in the air. I do believe I've touched on this stuff in a previous post (The Boring Facebook Status Guide) because it's just that annoying. As much as I want to give absolutely no cares about your "I'm done" status, my natural curiosity gets the best of me, and I start speculating and checking your post to see if someone just gave in and straight up asked you.

And really, you sound like a dramatic l4 year old girl when you post a status like that. Possibly you are a dramatic 14 year old girl, and I can forgive you if that's the case. But there's a point where the vague, tortured teenager posts need to stop.
I'm not trying to be a Facebook Nazi, although it kind of seems like I have a heck of a lot of Facebook rules. I'm just trying to... Oh goodness, I'm a Facebook Nazi...

Anyways, my point here is that "I'm done" is kind of immature and dramatic. If you're actually "done" then that's the end. There's nothing left after that. When the pasta is done there's no more need to cook it. When the movie is done you roll up your leftover popcorn and go home. And that's all there is to it.

Done.


Sunday 14 October 2012

The F Word


The infamous F-word. F-U-See here now, wait a sec, this is a PG blog. For the purpose of keeping this as clean as possible we're going to replace the real King of the Swears with "fucoxanthin." (Fucoxanthin, for those who don't know, is some kind of pigment found in brown algae. It's literally the most boring thing on the planet. But it sounds like a really dirty word, so it works here.) Remember, for the duration of this post, "fucoxanthin" means the F-word.

Okay, so most have us have said fucoxanthin before. Whether it was because we were mad or surprised or just because it was the cool thing to do when we were 15 and now it's so hardwired in that we can't stop. Or, maybe you just like saying it. Whatever the reason, most of us have said it, whether we want to admit it or not.


Fucoxanthin is arguably the most versatile word in the English language. Look at all these uses:

  1. As a noun: "For fucoxanthin's sake." "That little fucoxanthiner." Etc.
  2. As a verb: "And then they fucoxanthined." - As a side note, this is my least favourite use of fucoxanthin.
  3. Adverbs!: "He was fucoxanthining running from that crazy lady."
  4. Pronoun: "That fucoxanthin stole all my bread."
  5. Adjectives: "That was a terrible, fucoxanthining day." "Fucoxanthining Robert ate my grilled cheese."
  6. Exclaimations: "Fucoxanthin yeah!"
  7. To show absolute confusion or disgust: "What the fucoxanthin?"
  8. As an insult: "Go fucoxanthin yourself."
And I'm sure there are many more. But the point is, fucoxanthin has all these uses. People have developed different meanings for it depending on the context.
This is the funny thing about fucoxanthin, isn't it? "Go fucoxanthin yourself" or "fucoxanthin you" are considered terrible insults, but when you tell your guy friends that you just "fucoxanthined that blonde chick from the cluuuuub" it's like the best thing ever and you get lots of high fives. (I assume. I'm not a guy, I don't know the standard protocol.) 

And why are there so many uses of it anyway? Well, my theory is that people just wanted more excuses to say it so they made it applicable in any situation.


It is a fun word to say, no denying that. What did Dane Cook say? "[Fucoxanthin] is the best word ever, because it's got the ffff and the uuhh and the KUH[oxanthin]!"


Nowadays, we hear fucoxanthin uttered ALL THE TIME. I think 34% of mothers report that their baby's first word is "fucoxanthin." (No, I didn't just make that statistic up.) (Yes I did.) So really, is it REALLY that bad of a word anymore. Is it REALLY something to be completely offended by? 


Yes, actually, I think it is. I am not a stranger to the word, that is for sure. Have you read my Twitter? But I do think that there's a time and place for it. (Twitter is that time and place because Twitter is for two kinds of people: People who do not care and Justin Bieber.)

Walking on the street or in the mall or some kind of public place, that is NOT the place for it. I guess arguably Twitter is public too and maybe we should watch our mouths (fingers?) on there too but really little kids shouldn't be on there and if you're that upset just don't read my tweets? Anyway, any time young children are around, the F word (fucoxanthin) is a no. 

I don't 100% understand the young children thing though, even though it makes me uncomfortable when people drop fucoxanthin bombs near little kiddies. What's the worst thing that will happen? The kid will repeat it? 


Well, who cares? It's a WORD. I know, words can kill or whatever. Is that a saying? Doesn't matter. What matters is what EXACTLY is it that this word represents that makes it socially unacceptable to say it? I know that language has tons of history and it's probably long and complex but I'd really like to know.


The thing about words is that none of them are actually anything, right? The word "sandwich" is not actually a sandwich, it just represents one in speech and on paper. But fucoxanthin, as we've already discovered, doesn't have just one meaning. People use it in new ways every day. There is no set definition. The only connotation we understand fucoxanthin to have is that it's bad. It's a bad word, and that's that. There is no other information that goes with it. It's just there to create a stir or make something more intense.


So what's in a word? Should we really condemn fucoxanthin as a bad word when really, there is nothing bad about it? I guess the same thing can be said of any word with negative concepts attached to it.


Am I even making sense anymore? Am I feeling bad for a WORD? A group of letters? An assortment of smooshed up sounds? I don't even know now. And so this seems like a good place to end. Here, while we're all still pondering the hard life of a word. The Sad Tale of Fucoxanthin.





Saturday 13 October 2012

A Look Inside "A Piece of Cake"

I want to start this post off with a disclaimer: REGARDLESS of the magical rule, "i" before "e" except after "c," I almost ALWAYS spell words like "piece" incorrectly. Hopefully spellcheck is on my side today and this doesn't become a problem. If I do mess up and you choose to point it out, I WILL (imagine myself) paying a hit man to have you "rubbed off," "popped," "whacked," etc. (Why are ALL Mafia slang words for killing also words for ... well... you know.)

Okay, that's over with. Now, it's time for us to examine the common idiom "a piece of cake."
DON'T YOU DARE EXIT THIS PAGE!
Yes, we are looking at "a piece of cake." Why are we doing this? We're doing this because I just spent approximately 10 minutes wondering what that really, truly, actually means (and 10 minutes is a long time in this sporadic head of mine.)


Yes, something that is, "a piece of cake" is something that is "easy." Simple. No problem. A walk in the park. Child's play. A no-brainer. Duck soup (Whaaat? I just googled "piece of cake synonyms." I have no idea what that one means.)

But why is a piece of cake "easy?"

Is it because cake is easy to eat? Well, yes, it is. But it's not the easiest thing to eat. A slice of pizza doesn't even require a fork unless you're a pompous lunatic so it is seemly a much "easier" food.

Plus cake is messy. Have you seen any kid's birthday pictures? So, cake is not easy clean up unless you lick the plate, fork, table AND kid clean.

And cake is certainly not the easiest thing to make for the baking-challenged (me.) And have you SEEN some of those super fancy, cool looking cakes before? Like, one's that look like television characters or whatever? Those are the BEST, right? But the average person will never make them because the average person isn't amazing (sorry to break it to you.)


Maybe it's that cake is a simple food. I don't think this is the case because cakes have layers (Shrek reference goes here somewhere.) They're complex. Chocolate layers, vanilla layers, custard layers, ice cream layers, icing, sprinkles. Cakes have a lot going on under the surface, you know what I mean? They're not an easy food to understand, you see?

And cakes don't symbolize easy things. They symbolize change. You buy someone a cake to celebrate something that is happening in their lives, something new. Change is not easy. Even good change creates stress and emotions. Cake is there to sooth the pain, that's the point of it, right? But change is not an easy thing to soothe. (Although seriously, if you're gonna sooth the pain of change with something, might as well do it with cake.)

The only thing that is easy about cakes is how easy it is to destroy them. Drop it, knock it over, shove someone's face into it. Is that what people mean? Are cakes "easy" because they're vulnerable?

 I feel as if I've been left with more questions than answers. If anyone can please help me to figure out the true meaning behind "a piece of cake" it would be greatly appreciated. Also, if anyone could send me some cake I would forget about the whole issue completely. If you send me a cake that looks like me, I will probably put you in my will in the future, okie dokie?

Friday 12 October 2012

Internet Bandwagons, Scams and Bullying

I wrote a blog post a while ago regarding Invisible Children and Kony 2012 on one of my old Tumblr blogs (you can read it here if you'd like.) The point of the whole thing was my frustration with internet bandwagons. People support a cause because it's popular to support a cause, or people post whatever because that's what is popular right now. They don't think about it, they don't do any research, and often it's something they cared absolutely nothing about before.

Recently, a young girl committed suicide because she was being bullied over the internet. The video she posted on Youtube about a month ago was truly heartbreaking and gave everyone a lot to think about. Since then #RIPAmandaTodd has been trending on Twitter, and Facebook groups have been popping up everywhere to honour her memory.

Note: The rest of this post is in NO WAY meant to be disrespectful at all to anyone. It's only something I was thinking about.
Internet bullying has been around for a long time. We've all heard about it, some of us have taken part in it and some of us have been the victims. It's easy to bully people online. You don't have to look them in the eyes. You can think about everything you want to say or do beforehand. None of this is in real time. In fact, sometimes what goes on online doesn't even feel real. There's just enough disconnection from the bully and the victim that it's easy to avoid feeling guilty.
So I was thinking, why is it that only when stuff like this happens, when a girl posts a message on the internet before she kills herself, that we step up and say we need to end bullying?
There are countless stories like this. Kids being so bullied that they don't even want to be on earth anymore. And every time one of these stories ends up in the news, people say, "we need to do something about bullying." And this lasts for about a few weeks. Facebook groups pop up, people join them and then that's that. That's all you need to do to support something, right? Share it on Facebook and then go about your daily life.

And it's not just bullying. Let's look again at this whole Kony business. One of the crucial steps in the whole Kony 2012 plan was Cover The Night - basically running around and vandalizing stuff with Kony's name and picture. I don't believe I saw one Kony poster the day after Cover the Night, although I saw so many people on Facebook claim they would be "attending" the event. People just simply forgot about it. It was too far down the road from their initial viewing of the Kony 2012 video.

But that's the thing about the internet, isn't it? Everything is changing, all the time. There's too much information going in and coming out, you can't just concentrate on one thing, and you can't show support for everything. So we join groups, like statuses and retweet messages, hoping that that'll be enough. Someone else can do the hard stuff. Someone else can teach the anti-bullying classes and send money to the children of Uganda.

And I do this too. I'm not standing on any pedestal, wagging my finger at the world for not being better citizens. It's hard to be passionate about things these days.
Not only that, but it's hard to know what groups, or organizations or sad stories are for real. There are so many internet scams created everyday. People make up sad stories and attach an unsettling photo from Google so that they can have their photo shared thousands of times.

So when things like youth suicide happen, and when the entire world knows about it, it's hard to not join the "bandwagon" isn't it? You want to seem sensitive and so you like RIP Amanda Todd on Facebook and you retweet some stuff about her.
But then you actually read some of the things on the group's wall and there are people being disrespectful there. Saying that the people who bullied her should "go die."
And all I can think is, "did you all completely miss the point?" Why did you join a group remembering a girl who wants to stop bullying, if you're just going to be rude and disrespectful (a bully) while you're there? Just because the person you're bullying is a bully, doesn't mean that what you're doing is okay.

I'm not against supporting causes, or joining groups. I'm against the complete lack of thinking that you see on the internet every day. And it's not anyone's fault necessarily. Like I said, the information being thrown at us every day is astounding. Processing it all is more work than most people even realize and so I guess it's understandable that maybe you post things without thinking, or like groups without understanding what they're all about.

In closing, all of my blabbering about bandwagons and scams aside, I hope we never have to see another news story like this. I know, bullying is something that will probably never truly go away. But we can change things and hopefully this is truly the push we need to do it. Bullying awareness is something that I always remember being a part of education (did anyone else learn the warm fuzzies cold pricklies story?) but maybe it takes a story like this one to really make it sink in.

Thursday 11 October 2012

Pet Peeve of the Week: Loud Talkers



Courtesy of Parks and Recreation and some nice soul on Tumblr

I'm gonna keep this one short and sweet. I cannot deal with people who speak loudly when there's no need to. Shut up! Seriously. If I can hear you through walls, you're too loud. (In a perfect world, if I can hear you at all, this should be considered too loud, but let's be reasonable here.)

Things I want to do to people who talk really loud (either all together or separately):

  • slam their head in a refrigerator door
  • cram cotton candy down their throats until they can't talk anymore
  • shove tiny needles under their nails (preferably AFTER the cotton candy has rendered them speechless.)
  • run them over with six cars
  • lock them in a walk in freezer for fourteen hours WITH a dead body
Okay, some of that stuff seems unnecessary but this drives me nuts. Any sounds, for that matter, drive me nuts. But microwaves and closing doors, those are sounds that can't really be helped. What can be helped is how loud you choose to speak in a regular situation.

When yelling is okay:

  • when you're being eaten by a shark
  • when I'm about to walk into a pole and you're trying to save me head injuries/embarrassment
  • when the Isley Brothers tell you to shout while you are twisting
  • when you're at a party and everyone else is (I guess)
  • when you're in a completely solitary place and you need to let out some steam
Yep. Those are pretty much the only acceptable times.

Okay, I know some people don't realize they're doing it, but that doesn't stop me from disliking them.

Whew. Glad I got that off my chest. Quietly. On the internet. Which takes almost no sound at all.

Wednesday 10 October 2012

The Dreaded Essay - A Student's Rant

Okay, today I got my first paper of the year back. I'm not going to say it was bad, because it wasn't, but the mark was quite a bit lower than my usual. So of course, I got super offended and decided to write a blog post about how terrible my professor is. Just kidding. That's not what this is about. This is just a few of the frustrating things about essays. I'm not badmouthing any profs or teachers I've had at all (especially if one of you happen to read this.) I'm just badmouthing whatever idiot invented the stupid essay.

So, first off, why do they have to be so long? What's the point in a 10 page essay? Didn't Einstein say that any fool can make something long and complex, only a genius can condense it and dumb it down? I may have just made that up. If I did, feel free to quote me on it (WITH a citation, please. You better not take credit for my work.) In other words, I feel like it's more difficult to condense the information and make a really good summary than it is to go on and on and on about the same thing. I don't know about everyone else, but when I'm writing an essay I feel like it's 20% good information, 50% me using a thesaurus to say the same thing in a bunch of different ways, and 20% complete BS (I'm not a math major. I don't know what the other 10% is. Me napping and choosing snacks, probably.)


Okay, and bibliographies! Ahh! I think I get more frustrated with citing my work than I do actually writing it. I'm all for people getting credit for their work, and plagiarism is bad and stuff. But there are so many rules! And every class is different. I've taken psych courses, English courses and history courses and each one calls for a different format. And we all come to university to find out that MLA, APA, Chicago, etc. formats aren't just for the bibliography. No, they're for the whole paper. Spacing, font, headers, footers, type of citation, title page or no title page. (Thanks for informing me of that nice little surprise, high school.) WHY DOES IT MATTER!? Really? I change the font and it makes it like one centimetre longer. Oh boy. Why can't we all just agree on one? I had a TA once who said it's because different disciplines are looking for different things and want to be able to find stuff faster. What do I have to say to that? I do not care, disciplines. I DO NOT care.

Okie dokie, so you hand it in and then you get it back. And (hopefully) you got a pretty decent mark. Why is it that even though you got an 80, which is pretty decent if you ask me, the comments your prof puts always make it sound kind of like you wrote the worst thing ever? (Or maybe that's just me because I am the absolute worst at taking criticism. If I ever tell you, "I want your true opinion, even if it's bad," I'm lying and I will probably hate you a bit if you tell me I need to fix something.)

When it comes down to it, the most frustrating thing about essays is that every prof is different. They all expect different things and give different types of criticism. You figure out how to please one and then your course is over and you're on to the next one, who hates everything that your other prof taught you. There's no winning. So, just power through and do your best. And that's the most inspirational thing I have to say today.

If you're a fellow student, good luck with midterms and assignments. If you're out of school, I can confidently say that all students (myself included) strongly dislike you, in like, the best way possible, at least until summertime.


Sunday 7 October 2012

Totally Normal Things That Are Actually Pretty Weird If You Think About It

You know how sometimes you'll way over think the most simple things and all of a sudden they seem totally weird? Here's some things that are so normal, but if you really think about it, they're weird.

- Money. Why does this piece of paper control everything in the world? Like honestly, think about it, it's just a piece of paper that you could crumple up or burn or eat. What if I decided I don't believe in paper money anymore and I refuse to acknowledge it? I would probably just get laughed at but seriously, think about it. A piece of paper rules your life.

- Letting animals live in your house. This is actually totally weird. Dogs are fully capable of ripping us apart in the night, but we trust them not to and (usually) they don't. And rodents? We spend tons of time trying to keep mice and moles and rats out of our homes but then we go buy one and put it in a cage? Crazy. Cats are grumpy and they pee on our stuff but we keep them there (usually) because we've bonded with this creature that can't even talk to us. But they love us (usually) and we feel good because there's someone that needs us and someone who we can cuddle with at the end of the day.

- Dancing. Have you ever stood above a crowd of people dancing and actually watched them carefully? We look ridiculous. Waving our arms around, jiggling stuff that wasn't meant to be jiggled, making unattractive facial expressions. It's silly, really. But it lets out steam, it gives us a chance to forget about our problems and it (sometimes) lures in a potential mate. So we dance.

- High heel shoes. Why do we torture ourselves with uncomfortable footwear? What's the point? I know, it makes lady's legs look like they go up to here. And I know, men used to wear them, yes, I am familiar with portraits of British kings wearing high heels. But I just don't understand WHY. In all seriousness, we look plain silly. If someone was walking around on stilts we would think they were ridiculous, but yet it's totally acceptable to prance around in high heels, which are obviously just an illusion, making us taller. (Back up for a sec, maybe prance wasn't the correct word to use there. When I'm n high heels, it's more like "wobble around in high heels.")

- Tanning. And I don't mean in a tanning bed (Tanning beds aren't weird, they're pretty much just stupid.) I mean laying outside for hours in the crazy heat, sweating all over your Jodi Picoult book and slapping away the flies and bees. What's the point? So that we can create the illusion that we actually go outside and do stuff? Because laying on a towel by the pool isn't really considered going outside and "doing stuff." I imagine no one wants to be pasty white, and this is understandable, but why can't you just be yourself? (I suppose I can say this because I am not naturally the colour of paper like some people are, so I apologise if you have a different opinion.) Maybe it's because we have so much spare time, maybe it's so we don't look like we've been shut in our homes on the internet for weeks, or maybe it's so we look more ethnic and interesting. Whatever the reason, tanning is strange, there's no doubt about it.

- Decorating. You do it and I do it and we all do it, but when you think about it, it's dumb. Yeah, it's nice to have pretty things to look at when you're in your home. And when people show up at your house, you want to be able to show off all the nice things you have. But when you really think about the whole practise, it's wasteful. It wastes time, it wastes money, it wastes resources, it wastes space. And then whenever a new season or holiday comes along you buy more stuff to decorate with because you don't want to forget that it's Halloween, so you better put that goofy skeleton up on the wall.

- Scary movies. Humans are now so boring and safe that we have to scare ourselves with movies and games just so we can get that little adrenaline rush and feel a little unsafe. What? This is ridiculous. I feel like if creatures came from another planet and watched us do this to ourselves they would think we were insane. And maybe we are a little bit. I read somewhere once that one of the reasons we watch horror movies is to try to live the way that a psychopath or killer would live, or at least understand it. So don't tell me that humans aren't all a little bit crazy.

- Amusement parks. This is basically a similar concept to scary movies. Humans no longer have to escape large animals or go on amazing adventures or explore the planet at all anymore so where do we get our thrills? We jump onto holy-jeepers-that-was-expensive roller coasters and does anyone REALLY even like it? Like really? The point of a roller coaster is to make you uncomfortable and afraid, isn't it? So we basically put ourselves onto a giant metal machine that whips us around at crazy speeds and if ONE thing goes wrong then we'll more than likely be dead. Yes, that sounds like a very sane way to pass the time.

- Hair removal. Okay, I don't want to be super hairy or anything, but really, this stuff is natural, why are we so determined to get rid of it? It's there for a reason (or at least, it used to be.) But these days, beauty can be measured by how little hair you have on your body, right? And it's a lot of work. You get it all under control and then the next thing you know your legs are prickly and you're on your way to being Chewbacca again.

Friday 5 October 2012

The Boring Facebook Status Guide

This is just a very short list of Facebook statuses that drive me absolutely crazy. Of course, it is very possible that additions to this will be made over time.

Starting your Facebook status with the following:
"Out with..." - the boys, the ladies, Scooby and the Gang.
"Officially..." - a high school grad, sixteen and pregnant, drinking age, a G1 driver.
"So blessed..." - to have a wonderful husband, to have a great job, to be blissfully oblivious.

Ending your Facebook status with the following:
"_____ bound!" - {insert city name}, {insert country name}, homeward.
"... for the night!" - with the girls, drunk, stats homework.

Okay, so I know that these are common things that people want to talk about on Facebook. Who you're hanging with, what's going on in your life, why you're happy, etc. I'm not concerned about the content of what you're saying as much as I'm frustrated that everyone has to say it in the exact same way. It gets boring to read your entire newsfeed and get the exact same wording for every other status. I promise you, people, there are a thousand other ways to say this stuff. And we all know the people who post these things constantly. They never write a status that isn't in the typical Facebook way. I'm not saying that doing this occasionally isn't totally fine, either. I know when you're out on the town or whatever, maybe you want your jealous ex boyfriend to see the status ASAP, so you don't want to spend 20 minutes thinking of a creative way to say it. So, this is possibly forgivable once or twice (I said POSSIBLY.) So, are we clear here? Let's make our stati just a teensy weensy bit more interesting, okay?

Oh, and there's more:
Lyrics. More specifically: lyrics that four other people have posted just minutes before you. No one wants to read the same lyrics more than once on their newsfeed. You're boring everyone.                I don't care how much you think that Luke Bryan song relates to your life right now. If someone claimed to be "drunk on you and high on summertime" two minutes before you did, you should maybe think about picking a different life theme song.

One of those internet cliche little saying things. You know what I mean. You read them on those little posters on Pinterest and then you just decide to write the thing down in your status. Yeah, it's funny, but a billion other people have posted the same thing. And there's the issue of figuring out what you actually made up and what you straight up stole from other people. This one isn't 100% annoying all the time though because there are some truly hilarious little thingys out there. This goes for quotes as well. (Have you read my view on internet quotes and these little poster things? Marilyn Monroe Didn't Even Say That Stuff)

"Like for truth is."/"tbh"/"Like for .... {anything.}" I've actually seen the same person post this status like ten different times and still get people to respond. I've always thought that this is ridiculous, because we all know that whatever the person is writing about your wall "truthfully," they're lying. I've never seen a mean thing written on anyone's wall and I'm not condoning internet bullying but seriously? You do not like everyone. There are people that irritate you all the time and no one is ever going to write it on Facebook.

"{random word} :(" or ":(" We don't know what you're talking about and we kind of don't care. Sure, there's the occasional person that will ask, "hey man, what's going on?" and half the time the statuser will say, "I don't want to talk about it." So why did you post it?! This is almost worse than the boring status itself.

"ttc" or "pin:..." Thank you, I'll be sure to text you just because you told me to, person I met once at orientation and have never seen again. Or girl from highschool who never talked to me. Or person who has never texted me in my life. Yes, I will just go grab my phone and give you a shout. And blackberry users, thanks so much. Your pin will be so useful when I try to text you from my iPhone.

So what is this whole thing about? It's about how boring, predictable, unimaginative, and repetitive Facebook has gotten. (Did you see what I did there? Those are all synonyms but they're all a little bit different so like, you can say stuff in different ways? Ahhh, I'm sorry, nevermind.) So little creativity is put into anything that is posted there these days. On the internet, no one wants to read what you have to say if there isn't something special about it. And it's unfortunate, but for the most part, no one even pays attention to you once you're known for posting mundane and stereotyped stuff. So when you actually have something interesting or exciting to say, no one will even notice. It's the truth. The internet is too fast paced and changes too quickly for anyone to bother with any of this boring junk. That being said, I'm sure your mom loves to read you status no matter what it says, so if you're only trying to impress her, keep it up.

Note: I understand that a lot of people have written posts like this, making this a slightly hypocritical post.

What are some statuses that drive you nuts? Let me know. Feedback is my favourite. (You're allowed to tell me I suck, too.)


Thursday 4 October 2012

Pet Peeve of the Week: The Difference Between "Seen" and "Saw"

I don't know if this is a common grammar issue all over the place or just where I'm from. I'm going to bet its everywhere. Now, I know that English is a stupid language. (This is a common thing found all over the internet but here's a link to the first blog I found. Hilarious, give it a read.) Anyway, the thing that baffles me is that people can't get their minds around the difference between "seen" and "saw." *disgruntled sounds*

The number of times I have heard "I seen that movie," I don't even know.

"I saw that movie," or, "I have seen that movie."
"David saw me at the park," or, "David has seen me at the park."

OR

"Have you saw that movie?" NO!

"Have you seen that movie?" Yes.

Now, I'm not an English teacher, so maybe I'm wrong, but how about we make a rule that "seen" can't be by itself? "Has" or "have" need to go with it. They're best friends, attached at the hip. But "saw" has no friends and should be all alone.

Or, I read this somewhere, and it made sense to me:
Think of the use of "seen" as talking about the past, but thinking about the present.
Think of the use of "saw" as talking about the past and thinking about the past.

I understand that this may be extremely confusing so let me put it this way:
"I seen you yesterday," doesn't even sound right!! Or is that just me? I understand that maybe some people just never learned it, or they never quite understood it, but I honestly don't think it's a concept that is too difficult. And maybe it's habit now. That's understandable as well. But bad habits can be broken. So let's break them before I start breaking things over the heads of these grammar murderers.

I will admit, I am an unofficial member of the infamous Grammar Nazis (although I hate the name. I would prefer Grammar Angels or something nice like that.) But someone has to be in charge of this stuff. You can't just go making your own rules about language. Wait, that's not a hundred percent true. If you know what you're doing (kind of) there's possibility for some creativity in language. But it's a different thing if you're doing it on purpose, right? Do I sound like an a**hole? Yeah, probably a little bit, but that's just how much this grammar mistake rattles me.

This doesn't mean I don't make grammar mistakes myself. I do it all the time. But I'm also constantly looking up the proper way to say things because I don't want to write posts like this and have people call me out on grammar mistakes that I've made.

I don't have anything to say to sum this up. Just stop doing it, okay? Just stop!

Wednesday 3 October 2012

Paranoid: Things I'm Constantly Worried Will Kill Me Part 3

Yes, there are more.

11. Living upstairs. "What?" you say. You don't know how reliably that floor has been built. It could give away at any time and then you're falling to your death, impaling yourself on your downstairs neighbour's large, pointy, unnecessary statue that takes up half their living room. Or you just hit your head and die, whatever.

12. Eating fruit. No, I'm not just making things up at this point. A lot of the time while I'm sitting there, munching an apple, all I can think about is "what if there's some kind of bug in here and I eat it and it claws at my insides and infects them and I die?" The possibility of choking is, of course, there as well but I'm hardly concerned about that.

13. Standing on anything that is not solid ground. Okay, I'll get on that chair and make one wrong move and then tip over and grab onto the curtains but then the curtains rip and I fall and smash my head off the window sill and then again off the floor and then death happens. Skateboards? Jesus Murphy, no. The most dramatic imagery I ever imagined in my life was when parents would say, "don't do that, you'll crack your head open," and all I could see was my head like an egg against the edge of a bowl. ALL parents said something like this, so you're ALL to blame for my intense fear of falling.

14. Gas pumps. This one sucks, because I work at a gas station. But really, one mis-flicked cigarette ash lands in the wrong spot on the ground and BOOM! we're all dead. Or, the people who leave their car on while you're pumping because, "it won't start again if I turn it off." Yeah? Well it won't start again if it's in two billion little pieces after the whole place blows up either. I like being whole. I got super upset after losing the most minuscule piece off the end of my finger (you can see it if you squint, I swear.) "Oh, but those signs that say no smoking and turn off your car, what about those?" you just said accusingly towards your computer screen. No one listens to signs in the real world, dummy.

15. Those big trucks that are carrying like 20 cars. What if one just came loose and crushed you while you're driving behind that thing? I don't know what is possibly more terrifying than a car flying from 15 feet in the air directly at your face. Maybe like an airplane falling out of the sky but whatever. Just put those cars on a train and save me the anxiety, okay?!


I think this is the end of the Paranoid saga. If you haven't read parts 1 and 2, you can do so here.
Also, I'd like to hear what you're afraid of. Leave a comment. I looove comments.

Tuesday 2 October 2012

10 Artists Who Made My Year

These days, the internet makes it really easy to find awesome music. It's actually a little overwhelming at times. There's a lot of amazing stuff out there and not enough time to listen to it all. However, we all manage to find our favourite artists. Although the following artists may not count as my favourite of all time, here is a list of the artists I've enjoyed the most over the last 12 months.


10. Train


I saw Train in concert a little more than a year ago and it reminded me how good their oldies are. I rediscovered Meet Virginia and that was enough for me. Pat Monahan can be kind of a jerk in real life but he makes up for it by having an amazing, original voice (although he's kind of creepy looking, isn't he?) It was nice to see them raise from the musical darkness. They're pretty mainstream but alternative enough that they're pleasing to most people, so a good background music choice for sure.


9. Zac Brown Band


I'm not really sure what kind of person could possibly dislike this band. Zac Brown has an amazing voice, and their songs are undeniably catchy. A good band for a day on the boat or sitting lakeside.
My Fave: Keep Me In Mind




8. Every Avenue


Up and comers in the alternative rock world. I honestly discovered this band by walking up to the Alternative section at HMV and grabbing the first cool looking CD I saw. I've since seen them play live and developed an enormous crush on the lead singer.
My Fave: Clumsy Little Heart



7. Jack Johnson



This is funny because I used to kind of hate this guy. Something to do with his song Sitting, Wishing, Waiting that rubbed me the wrong way. Now though, I love his laid back tunes, and his albums are my go-to easy listening/background choices.
My Fave: From The Clouds





6. Paramore

You can't deny that Hayley Williams is the female face of alternative rock/pop rock/whatever you'd like to call it. And she's only 23. Not that there are too many female faces in that genre. Paramore is definitely one of my favourite bands of all time, and I never get sick of listening to them. It's really awesome to see that a lot of their songs have made it into some mainstream playlists. I think it's a good time to mention that at one time my younger brothers would never admit to liking a girl singer (I KNOW, right?) and Misery Business was definitely the first female-vocaled song they admitted to enjoying.


5. Neon Trees

I don't even really know what to say about Neon Trees. They have a female drummer (which seems to be a rising trend, yay) and they're just awesome. That's it. Awesome. They're different from a lot of stuff that's out there right now, and in a very good way. The new album, Picture Show,  is a big change from Habits, but I think they're headed in a good direction.



4. Patrick Stump


Fall Out Boy will forever hold the number one band place in my heart. Say what you will, but FOB introduced me to an entire genre of music that I hadn't really listened to before, and my life is a lot better because of it. That being said, Patrick's solo stuff is nothing like FOB, so get that out of your head. However, it is excellent in its own way. There's nothing like it right now. And he plays every single instrument on the album himself. No computers. That doesn't happen very often these days. Oh, did I mention that his is the voice that angels sing with?
My Fave: Allie




3. Rise Against

There are certain bands that you need to be in a certain mood to listen to. For me, Rise Against is definitely not one of those bands. I can listen to them anytime, anywhere. I know they aren't for everyone, so this isn't the stuff I'd be playing at parties. But for me, this is the kind of band that you get something new from every time you listen. The lyrics are fantastic, and that's what I care about most a lot of the time.
My Fave: Paper Wings


2. The Cab

These guys are all in their early 20s but their music is amazing. They're on their way to being a huge hit, I can tell. Catchy music and catchy lyrics and an excellent vocalist. Can you ask for anything more in a band? No, I think that's you need. Onward with the alternative rock takeover or something! I keep hearing new things in their songs that I love. Not to mention, I heard one of their songs on Sirius Hits so I guess that's as good a sign as any. The only thing I wish would change is the lead singer's long greasy hair, but you can't have everything, folks.
My Fave: This City Is Contagious

1. Marianas Trench

I've loved MT since the very first "ooo ooooooooo ooo" in Shake Tramp and I've been wowed several times by their excellent live performances. I used to compare them to Hedley but in light of Hedley's complete and terrible sell-out I've put Marianas Trench nearer to the top of my Top Bands list and thrown Hedley in the garbage (well attempted to. I can take them back out, but I'm getting off topic now.) Josh Ramsay is a genius both lyrically and musically. Example: He produced Call Me Maybe. I don't need to make any more of an argument for him now, do I? His voice is excellent. It sounds good live, and it sounds good no matter what it is he's singing. Aaaand all four band members can sing. They have lovely harmonies which in my opinion make a lot of their songs sound very original. It does annoy me that they've become a mainstream hit and I have to share my love of them with a bunch of annoying fan girls. (Just kidding, kinda.)
My Fave: Perfect





Of course, I do not own any of these images, YouTube vids, or the tracks themselves.





Sweatpants In Public


Most of the time, I have a strict dress code for myself: No sweatpants in public. (This has obvious exceptions ie. at the gym or the hospital. But I avoid the gym at all costs and I try to stay out of the hospital as well so this doesn't apply often.) However, lately I've been venturing to Tim Hortons while wearing sweat pants. Perhaps this is because I've found the best sweat pants ever? (No.) Or maybe I've become comfortable with myself and I don't care what other people think. (No.) Or maybe I'm just lazy and don't care. (Probably.) Either way, I've been thinking about the two sides of this argument: To sweatpant in public or not to sweatpant in public?

Note: PJ pants are not sweatpants and those should stay at home in all cases. See People of Walmart Dot Com please.

To Sweatpant

Who cares what you're wearing? Clothing isn't a crucial part of our lives. It's not necessity and so why should we focus so much time on it? Why should anyone else care what I'm wearing? Besides, these sweatpants are designer and they cost more than your car.

Not To Sweatpant

Everyone judges you by what they see (at first, anyway.) So if they see you wearing the same sweatpants you were wearing last night, they are going to get a negative opinion of you. (They're going to think you're disgusting.) They don't know how much those pants cost. It's all about first impressions. Isn't that the point of fashion?
And don't even get me started on the issues I have with guys walking around in sweatpants. I know that many ladies agree with me when I say that there's no way everything is under control in that situation.


So what's your opinion? Are you for or against public sweatpants? Take a second to take the poll on the side of this page.

An Afterthought On Yoga Pants

While I was writing I got thinking about "Lulus" and how girls seem to think that yoga pants can be used as regular pants and can in fact be a dressy article of clothing. This is ridiculous and I strongly believe that you should never wear yoga pants to a formal occasion. Yoga pants are a piece of exercise attire so its like a dude wearing his spandex bike suit to a classy dinner. Think about that for a second.